The Mission in the Middle: Finding the Real Me in Motherhood

Written by Allison Dillon

For a long time, I carried a heavy, silent assumption: that my life was a binary choice. I believed I could either be a woman of God sold out for the mission field, or I could be a woman with a family. In my mind, these two identities lived on opposite sides of a vast canyon. One was vibrant, global, and "significant"; the other was quiet, domestic, and, feared; diminishing.

When I became a mother, I felt that canyon swallow me whole.

I’ll be honest: I lost myself completely. The transition wasn't a graceful hand-off of one season to the next; it felt like an erasure. The woman who dreamed of deep theological study and world-changing impact was replaced by a version of me that felt defined only by laundry cycles, sleepless nights, and the relentless needs of three small humans.

There was fear, a back-breaking kind of fear, that I was failing at both identities. There were tears shed in the hallway and anger that felt heavy and misplaced. I felt lost because I was looking for the "old me" to return, convinced that the "mother me" was just a shadow or a distraction from my true calling.

But God is often most present in the wreckage of our expectations. After the tears and the exhaustion, and then more tears, a quiet grace began to settle. I started to realize that the version of me standing here today, a mother of three beautiful children, isn't a "lesser" version or a placeholder.

This is the real me. This is the woman God intentionally created for this specific moment in time. Is it what I pictured for myself whole-heartedly? Not completely. But the more God removed my lens of anger and resentment, the more clarity I felt in seeing the beauty in this new story only God knew would be right for me. 

I began to see that my love for missions and my hunger for a deep understanding of God’s Word didn't have to be shelved. Instead, the mission field simply moved. It moved into my living room, onto the kitchen floor, and into the quiet moments before bedtime.

Motherhood is not a detour from a missional life; it is the mission.

Sharing the profound depth of God’s love with my children is the most direct, high-stakes ministry I will ever lead. When I explain the grace of the Gospel to a crying toddler or model the patience of Christ during a chaotic afternoon, I am doing the work I once thought was reserved for "the field." When their little hands hold mine out of love and comfort, when they ask for huggies and kissies before bed, when they look up at me with their precious eyes, they are searching my own hands and face for peace and grace the same way I search and pray for God's daily. 

This gift of motherhood is its own mission. It is a daily, hourly opportunity to reflect God’s heart to three souls who see the world through my eyes. I’ve stopped looking back at the woman I thought I had to be and started embracing the woman I am: a daughter of God, a mother, and a missionary in the most sacred space of all.

There is so much peace in finally realizing that He didn't make me choose. He just invited me into a deeper story, a story with my children and Francis+Benedict. I would have never imagined after I gave birth to my first baby that I would now be with an incredible non-profit team and traveling to Africa for work. Isn't life funny like that? 

God invites you into a deeper story, as well. With Francis+Benedict your calling, your spiritual gifts, and your devotion has a home in Togo, West Africa. For $15 a month, you can usher in a new season of your own life with God, embracing the exact place you have landed. Wherever you’ve been, wherever you thought you might be, you have found yourself here, reading this short story. God is calling you to seek Him in your own life and find places where you can give and live out your own personal mission and work with Him. 

Will you join us? 

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